User talk:LionPrince13
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Jason Massacre page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Jay ten (talk) 00:08, September 16, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:09, September 16, 2015 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. Jay Ten (talk) 01:36, October 28, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:35, March 6, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:22, March 6, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:29, June 24, 2017 (UTC) Re: Story There are quite a lot of issues here that you tend to be repeating with your other stories as well. Here are the issues I found in your latest one (note: some of these issues also trace back to your previous stories too). Wording issues: "Ethaniel would hear glowing and explosions coming from the bedroom of his parents, and at one point, the witchcraft backfired on his mother drastically." (The sound of glowing is nebulous as there isn't a set way that it should sounds, it's not an effective descriptor), "Ethan disappeared from his town, though he still is sighted, as Dusk's blood lust (bloodlust) hungers for more." (Do you mean to say that he vanished from town, but he's still seen there or are you implying he's seen outside of town?), etc. Overly complex sentences that should be broken into two separate ones: "After the thoughts went away, Ethaniel began radiating a dark blue glow, it obscured all of his features as the light filled the room, then emptied it, Ethan was on his back, eyes closed, still breathing, but unconscious.", " Ethan had tears running down his face, as he got up and faced his mother with a happy, but somehow sad look, just a plain normal happy look mixed in with sadness or grimness of some kind., his eyes mixed with the smile began to scare his mom even more, then Ethan said something: "Mom... what did you do to me?"", " She went back to calling the doctors and when she looked up, Ethan was standing there, dressed in a backwards baseball cap, his child-sized hoodie, blue jeans and his sneakers, he had a machete in one hand, and a lighter in the other, his mother could see that Ethan threw a gas canister onto the living room carpet, she went pale as she looked back.", etc. The narrative voice comes off as wishy-washy and doesn't really enhance the story any. A line like: "During this time, Ethaniel was 13, probably 12, I don't really know, in any case." makes it seem like they don't care which ends up translating to the audience as they shouldn't care about this detail either, which then extends to why should the audience care in general. It ends up weakening the story and serving no real purpose. It also feels a little too much like a trope to give him dissociative identity disorder. ("Ethaniel had a Split-Personality problem, it never actually changed him, the personality just... hid there") There are multiple OCs with SPD and very few effectively use that illness. Instead it feels more like a typical kick-start for violence. It comes off as a bit cliche and forced. There's very little involving his separate personality until the very end and by then it just feels like it's tacked on. ("Ethan stabbed his mother in the stomach, but before her passing, Ethan- no, the split personality WITHIN Ethan said: "I. am. Dusk."") Until the very end of the story, the audience didn't even know the separate personality's name or any traits about it. It ends up feeling like this is more like a character costume than an actual part of their identity. The description also needs quite a lot of work. "Ethaniel's mother called him into the room and told him to sit down in a circle with 3 circle inside it, connected to the outside by 3 straight lines." Read that line, are you trying to say that the circle had three circles inside it? What is it connecting with on the outside? When you describe something, you want the audience to be able to easily form a picture in their mind. Take this like as well: " the witchcraft backfired on his mother drastically." How did it backfire, what did it do? Just mentioning it really doesn't advance the plot much and gives the story a bit of a lackluster feel to it. Finally, a lot of your stories all seem to just come across as vehicles for introducing your CPCs (Ethaniel, Ethan, and Jason Massacre) and not really an attempt at telling an involving story. Here's a more in-depth guide on a lot of the common pitfalls of writing a story for your OC and not telling a story with a driving/dynamic plot. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:01, June 24, 2017 (UTC) Re: Story This wasn't a story as much as it was a character bio for your OC/CPC. All the issues I mentioned above (especially in the plot sections) are still here as well as some mechanical issues in the capitalization, punctuation, and wording department. There was very little story here to get the audience interested in the character. It was more just a description and modus operandi of your OC with very little plot progression, characterization, and a lot of telling the audience what Yellowtape is rather than showing it (which really weakens a plot). As I mentioned above, almost all of your stories fall into this issue as your writing the story as a vehicle for the OC rather than telling an involving story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:01, July 10, 2017 (UTC) Additionally I would suggest looking over my feedback below as I'm seeing some repetition of the mechanical errors I pointed out earlier. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:17, September 19, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:25, September 19, 2017 (UTC) Re: Here's your story in case you didn't have a copy. That being said, as I mentioned above, I am seeing some repetition of errors and I think the completed version should be posted to the writer's workshop for feedback (link above) before attempting to post to the site as I'm seeing a number of potential issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:53, September 21, 2017 (UTC) :I know you asked me not to reply, but I just wanted to say that I'm really busy with my personal life currently. If you're willing to wait until tomorrow for me to review, then that's perfectly fine, but if you would like one now, try contacting Helel instead. He's new, but perfectly willing to do so. :Thanks for understanding. :"I was living the dream... That is, until I woke up" 22:46, September 21, 2017 (UTC) ::Looks like Helel has already been giving you some advice. I can jump in when more revision is put into the story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 11:27, September 22, 2017 (UTC) Workshop Hey, I saw your message on Empy's page about your own stories. Just want to point out that there is a so called 'Writer's Workshop' available where you can post stories that you're not sure about in terms of narrative flow, grammar, etc. There's several people there who take the time to dissect your story and point out all the flaws that you can improve on. Nachtrae (talk) 07:37, September 25, 2017 (UTC) :I'm going to suggest carefully reading over the story issues section as those are where a majority of the issues lie. Additionally, this is something you're going to want to take your time on and not knock out an edit real quick and ask for another review as the story issues I pointed out are systemic and not isolated to a few lines. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:30, September 25, 2017 (UTC) Re: Back As the story was previously deleted, you'd need to go through a deletion appeal or get admin approval. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:37, November 3, 2017 (UTC) A deletion appeal is needed. You'd go through the same route as if applying through an admin. That being said I'd strongly recommend that it's well-reviewed and well-written otherwise it's unlikely to be accepted. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:42, November 4, 2017 (UTC) Hey, thanks for the compliment! Glad that you enjoyed my reboot of JtK. As far as bringing back an older story, you'll have to go through the appeals process. I'd suggest posting in the forums and telling us a bit about the story that you're wanting to revivie. Depending on why it was deleted in the first place, you may be asked to improve it first. If it's a blacklisted category, chances are you won't be able to re-upload it. To get the Jeff story on here, we held several polls and a contest. So, I'd suggest trying the forums. Best of luck though, K. Banning Kellum (talk) 06:29, November 4, 2017 (UTC) Re: Guidelines They would only be against guidelines if you were violating the spinoff rules by using another author's intellectual property. For example, if you were writing a story about a shapeshifting creature that was essentially the Rake (but with skin-shifting capabilities), that would be a violation of our site rules. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:03, November 13, 2017 (UTC) Re: Hey, it's me First off, welcome back to the site. I hope you've been well. As for your message, I'm assuming you meant improve as reprise means: repeat (a piece of music or a performance) which is hopefully not what you're attempting to do. If you mean repost, the guide for submitting an appeal is in the deletion messages (although I would strongly suggest heavily revising your work if that's your goal otherwise it's going to be denied). If you're looking to improve your previous attempts and overall writing, I would suggest reading the feedback left for you here, here, and here. Recognizing those issues and working on fixing them would help you improve your writing and avoid issues present in your stories that resulted in their deletion previously. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:54, February 2, 2019 (UTC) :If you are re-writing a story completely in that there is absolutely no similarity to the previous iteration (you don't any re-use sentences or lines from the first one. i.e. the story is a wholly new version), then an appeal isn't necessary. That being said, all stories are subject to our quality standards so your best bet is to take this project when it's completed to the writer's workshop (link above in the deletion messages) for feedback before posting to the main site. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 11:17, February 7, 2019 (UTC) Thank you Yeah, one thing sort of led to another with that series. I've now worked through a Liu remake and Randy's story is coming up next. Honestly what started as a simple contest entry turned into a series, and I really appreciate the support. Thanks for the comment! K. Banning Kellum (talk) 05:51, February 7, 2019 (UTC) Guess it all depends Was the original story where the character deleted or is it still on the site? If it was deleted, was it because of character issues, such as writing an cliche OC type plot, or was it deleted for plot, grammar, non-character reasons? If the story is still up then I certainly couldn't see why reusing a character would be an issue. If the story was removed I'd say that the answer to your question lies more in why the orignal content was taken down. Can you provide more information please? K. Banning Kellum (talk) 17:45, February 7, 2019 (UTC) Sorry for the delay in response Apologies for the slow response. So, in regards to your question. Based on the explanation you provided, including your original story being removed, I would suggest running any re-writes through the appeal system. Now, if you wanted to write a completely new story but recycle the characters, that would probably be okay, unless of course the characters themselves were part of the reason for the original deletion, such as blacklisted OC styled character driven stories, etc. If your new re-write is even loosely tied to the deleted story, it would more than likely be viewed as a violation of the "no re-upload" policy and could result in progressive warnings or potential suspension of your account. So, writer to writer, I would highly advise you to run any re-writes or re-visions of the originally removed story through the appeal system just to cover yourself from accidentally violating a site rule. You can also submit any revisions to the Writer's Workshop before applying for the official appeal request to ensure you've done complete due diligence in correcting any issues from before. If you'd like me to take a look at your re-written content, I would be more than happy to lend any advice or suggestions. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to ask. Best regards, K. Banning Kellum (talk) 07:18, February 11, 2019 (UTC) Appeals It's not too tough a process. Just go to the Deletion Appeal page. Give all the information on your story, give a copy of the message you received as to why your story was deleted and explain why you feel that it doesn't violate any existing policy. Now, that is for existing stories that have been deleted that you feel shouldn't have been deleted. If you want to do a re-write, you can explain that there as well, but I'd suggest running it through the writer's workshop first just to make sure that there are no technical issues or obvious reasons that it'd be deleted again. Let me know if I can assist you any further. And remember, even if your story doesn't fit here, you can always post it to other locations, like Wattpad or Deviantart if you want to keep the story as it is. Not every story fits on this wiki, but that doesn't mean it's a bad story necessarily. Regards, K. Banning Kellum (talk) 22:13, March 1, 2019 (UTC) A Heads Up I've removed your second draft as you've made slight changes to the original post that other people addressed, but there's no plot progression beyond the first two paragraphs which makes a second thread redundant as it limits criticism to the exact points that were originally mentioned. Please make some progress in the story (i.e. complete the story or get close to completion) before making another thread as there are other authors looking for feedback and creating new threads for two paragraphs with changes would monopolize the writer's workshop. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:40, May 1, 2019 (UTC) Re: Sonic.EXE Re-Write Welcome back to the site. In order to re-write Sonic.EXE, you would need a number of things first: First and foremost, you'd need to pass a spinoff appeal in order to post the story to the site. This means the story would have to not only meet our quality standards, but it would also need to avoid the tropes that led to its issues and it would need to be well-written. Additionally given our most recent rules about using other authors' IP and posting stories that you are not the original author of, you would also need approval (that can be verified) from the JCTheHyena as your story is essentially a remake of their original work. All of this isn't to say that you can't re-write Sonic.EXE, but that there are a number of steps that need to be followed/completed first. Have a good one. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:21, November 6, 2019 (UTC) :I would suggest using the writer's workshop for your completed story if you are interested in in-depth feedback. I try to avoid giving feedback to premises as a lot can change depending on how it's executed in the plot. If done correctly and built-up properly, a story can be engaging, but if it's not properly executed, it can really weigh down a story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:21, November 9, 2019 (UTC)